Outdoor Peeing Positions for Plus-Size Hikers

By Chelsea from What Would Elle Woods Do

Hello, Plus Size Travel Too! My name is Chelsea McCurdy, I’m from Arkansas, I’m 35, and I LOVE hiking! It’s quickly become my absolute favourite way to move my body joyfully while building strength and stamina. After my hikes grew longer and longer, I began to realize that I couldn’t continue “just holding it” until we got back home anymore.

So, my buddy Shelby and I began practising our “pee squats” (yes, our pee squats!) at home. Now, I practically consider myself an expert at relieving myself when I’m outdoors. Let me tell you my top four favourite plus-size friendly peeing positions for when you’re on a hike!

First and foremost: ALWAYS move off the trail to go to the bathroom! I always follow Leave No Trace guidelines when I hike.

Squatty Twatty

The first plus-size friendly peeing position is pretty standard. I call it the “Squatty Twatty.”

Chelsea’s tips: Step one? Drop trou. Assume a very wide, flat-footed stance, like a sumo squat. If you think your legs are far enough apart, move them further apart. Squat down as low as you can possibly get comfortably, of course, and without fear of falling over. Always check the ground for any poisonous plants, such as poison ivy. You definitely don’t want to squat over that, or any animals or native plants.

Next, hold your pants and undies up and out of the way of your pee stream. If you find that it splashes your feet, try to pee into sand or wet dirt, which will absorb the splashback. You can also try peeing on an incline in this position.

Gorilla Grip

The next peeing position is great for people with knee problems. If squatting isn’t your thing, no big deal! I call this one the “Gorilla Grip.”

Chelsea’s tips: Step one, find a tree off-trail. I recommend finding a sapling that will support your weight. You should test this before taking your pants off- I’ve heard horror stories of women holding onto the wrong tree, hearing the snap of a branch, and then skidding down muddy hills with their arses out. You should also make sure there aren’t any poisonous plants or vines near or wrapped around it, and the trunk of the tree needs to be small enough for you to wrap your hands around it.

Next, take your pants off. Grab that sapling and lean back into a deep squat. You may feel like you’re mooning the entire forest, but your knees will thank you! Secure your grip around the trunk of the tree, lean back into the position, and pee. Your pants should be far enough in front of you (combined with your leaning posture) for them to stay out of the splash zone.

P.E. Teacher’s Revenge

The third position is great if you don’t feel like squatting at all! I call it the “P.E. Teacher’s Revenge,” because it reminds me of doing wall squats in physical education in primary school!

Chelsea’s tips: For this one, you should find a tree off-trail, but this time it needs to be a large-and-in-charge tree with a smooth trunk. Check the base and the trunk for ants, poisonous vines, and sap. You don’t want to lean up against the wrong tree and end up glued together from behind!

Once you’ve found your tree, pull your pants down and (for lack of a better phrase) back it up onto that tree. You’re going to brace your weight onto the tree using your booty and back for stability. It’s kind of like leaning up against a wall in the gym, only this time your butt is out. Hold your pants and undies up so that they don’t get wet and let ‘er rip!

Brace Yo’Self, Fool!

The last peeing position is my personal favourite: The “Brace Yo’Self, Fool!” I think it’s the most comfortable, the most private, and the easiest to do. I like to use this one at the beginning or end of a hike, but you can also utilize it while out on the trail.

Chelsea’s tips: You can do this position on a log, a rock, a ledge, or on the foot rail of your car, which is my personal favourite. If your car is parked in a public parking lot, you should probably skip this one, but most of the trails I hike are very remote, so I’m parked in a field more often than not.

For those of you with shy bladders, I suggest parking your car with the passenger side facing away from wherever you think is most public. It also works to park the car with the passenger side facing downhill. Then, open the front and back doors on the passenger side, pull your pants down, and perch your butt on the footrail or side of your car.

Your feet should be as far apart as necessary. This position gives you a lot of privacy, but it also gives you stability because you’re technically doing an assisted squat. Your weight is held up by your bottom, which gives your knees and legs a break. You can also brace yourself with your hands in this position.

You can also practice this position in the woods by finding a (safe and off-trail) fallen log. Perch atop it like a little songbird and then, as always, pull your clothing up and out of the way of your stream.

For another visual representation of these poses, you can view my TikTok video below:

@whatwouldellewoodsdo

Reply to @whatwouldellewoodsdo POSTIONS FOR P-ING IN THE WOODS BBY ##hobbithikers ##fatandoutdoorsy ##plussizehiking ##plussizehiker ##fathiker ##granola

♬ Fun, light, honobo, everyday, piano solo – Dream Side Records

I hope these plus-size friendly peeing positions for hiking and camping really helped any of you who have a fear of peeing outdoors! I promise, once you do it for the first time, every other time is a piece of cake. Do you have a favourite position? Maybe one I didn’t even list? Let us know in the comments!